The past five years of my life have been a tumultuous time as I became aware of my emotions and the unhealthy roles I play in relationships. I went through a divorce followed by a prolonged period of severe panic attacks. I found the man I wanted to be with shortly after, but had to release any attachment to an intimate relationship until I had spent more time on my own personal healing path. We remained best friends during this time, which was a gift but it was also like always having the view of a cookie jar that is at the top of the kitchen cupboards - I wanted it so badly, but it was just beyond reach. I found consolation with the motto of ‘not now, but not never.’ And to my delight, we are back in a relationship now, and he is who inspired my original thoughts of walking the Camino. Last fall I learned that my dad, who I had estranged from, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was faced with the looming possibility of death knocking at the door of a parent and was dwelling on how to move forward with that relationship. Then my mom died suddenly in a freak accident, and death burst through a door that I wasn’t even aware of. With the new identity of the girl whose mom died tragically and unexpectedly, I was thrust into the depths of grief. In this vulnerable time some of those unhealthy behaviors and patterns snuck back into my intimate relationship. And that is what ultimately led me to the panic attack on a baseball field in Toronto where I got the message ‘it’s your time to walk the Camino.’ If you read my first blog, this should all be coming full circle.